(re: An Evening at the Nightclub SIERRA) Hey, I read your story! (Believe it or not, I usually don’t read that often.)
I really like it, it’s very interesting to read, and you have understandable grammar. I liked the range of vocab you put into your text and the nice atmosphere you had in the story … Some very unique ideas there.
I’m not sure if you need a rewrite at all … but more detail needs to be put into play. Really, all you need to do is add more detail about the surroudings and such, maybe describe each character better … Ivy was written very well, but others were a bit more ‘scantily described’. You could get away with fixing minor grammar mistakes, adding more detail, and check over it deeply for anything else … Of course, another good idea is to remove the space between each paragraphs after you’re done editing. It seems to be more professional.
It was great … And the ending could easily lead to the sequel. Ever put a thought into that? It could be a series.